Updated: Jul 28
You might have experienced this scenario before.
You were fired up and excited to make a change in your life. You texted your friends and/or family to share what you were about to do. They may or may not have been supportive, but you got started with your change anyway. A few weeks went by, and the phone call/text exchange between them became less frequent. Then months went by, and you stopped hearing from them altogether. They went ghost.
I've been there, and it's the worst feeling. You feel deserted. You might even blame yourself. I did—for a while, at least. But then I realized, when you attempt to move forward in life, some people will stay to support you and some will leave.
The moment I decided to dedicate my life to physical, spiritual, and emotional growth, I lost friends who were like family to me. And to be honest, I'm glad I did. Taking a different path separated my fake friends from the real ones.
Here are 5 reasons why change causes people to go ghost:
1. People are weird.
People are extremely weird—myself included at times. It's like people are programmed to resent anything that's not a part of the average person's mundane life story.
Throughout history, change of any sort was always frowned upon. The interesting thing, though, is that the people who stepped out the box to do something different were the ones who made a difference in the world. Thank God for the people who decided to make a change!
Although people are weird, God tells us in Joshua 1:9 to be strong and courageous. He tells us to not be discouraged because the Lord our God will be with us wherever we go. So dope.
When people get weird on you for wanting to make a change, be encouraged, and keep moving forward.
2. Change makes people look in the mirror at themselves.
When you start to make positive changes in your life, your actions inevitably make those around you think about their own lives. They either get upset (at themselves) because they aren't producing fruit in their life or they get motivated to step it up. Many people get upset at themselves and then decide to lock away their emotions in a box of "things I'll do some day."
Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” - 1 Corinthians 15:33
People who choose to bury their emotions instead of confronting them, don't want the constant reminder of what they aren't doing. So, they distance themselves from others who are making the changes that, deep down inside, they want to make. There are some that also choose to distance themselves because they don't want to be the "bad company" ruining someone with good character.
3. People feel pressured to change with you.
As I just mentioned, change makes people reflect on their own lives. If you're making positive changes, constantly telling your friends about your progress, and inviting them to join you on your journey, they might feel pressured to make the same changes. And maybe your friends aren't ready to make those changes, so they disappear.
Some people walk fast, and some walk slow. Not everyone will move at your pace.
“I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13.
God tells us that we can do anything through him—even if that means taking the road less taken alone. Trust His words.
4. Fear of the unknown.
Making changes in life can be scary. Anyone who tells you otherwise is straight up lying.
Wanting to do something different makes your brain say, "Maybe you should take the safer option and stick to what you know," because its job is to keep you alive. Your mind will then come up with a million excuses why you should be afraid to make changes in your life.
Unfortunately, some people succumb to those fears and choose to disassociate themselves with people who remind them of what they fear.
5. Agonizing over decisions.
I've said this before, "Not making a decision is still a decision." Some people go ghost because they are paralyzed with the thought of making a decision. They don't want to let anyone down, including themselves. So, instead, they postpone making a decision about what to do.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." - Proverbs 3:5-6
Life does not have to be so complicated. We complicate it by not trusting God to do what He says He will do. Let go of control and just let things flow.
6. They never really liked you.
Some people are pretenders. They pretend to be your friend. They pretend to like you. They pretend to be loyal, and the moment they are tested, they leave. It's not always easy to recognize the pretenders in our life, so it can be hard to take in when they go ghost.
Look...life happens, and sometimes people desert you, but God won't. Find comfort in the Word of God—He will help you get through every challenge. When people go ghost on you, give yourself a few minutes to deal with the reality, pray for that person and your strength, and keep it pushing!
Challenge: When someone you care about tells you that he/she is making positive changes in his/her life, what's one thing you can do to love and support that person when you feel like distancing yourself? If you're the person who's been ghosted, what's a scripture that you can affirm to your life to stay encouraged? I'd love to hear your feedback on the discussion page.
You are somebody special.